I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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