Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
