tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
