how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
