when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
