I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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