Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
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I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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