Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
