I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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