i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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