Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
