my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
