I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
