Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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