Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
