I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
