The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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