This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
