i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
