Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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