five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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