WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
