I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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