You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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