Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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