You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
