girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
