i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
