Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
