What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
