every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
