I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
