Can i not drive my cunt home
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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