Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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