I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im part way to drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
