You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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