I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
