i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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