Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
