I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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