Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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