My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
