...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
