I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize