You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
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I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize