I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
