Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
