She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
