and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
