cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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