Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
