nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will pee on everything he values.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
