the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
