You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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