Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
