And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
