I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
