five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
