my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
