Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
