So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
