My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dear god my vagina.
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