He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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