Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
