please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
