The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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