Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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