should my penis look like a turkey
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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