It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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