whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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