I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
