But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
