Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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