i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
