not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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