What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
